Best Man's Speech For Dave And Beck's Wedding - March 2004



In the early days of marriage, a young bride, still flushed with the wonder of the world of matrimony, would regularly greet the morning by flinging open the shutters to the nuptial boudoir, and, exalting in the early morning rays, would exclaim – ‘Lo – the morn!’. Some years later, of course, it all looks a bit different, and now, upon, flinging open the shutters, it’s ‘mow the lawn!’.

Good evening Folks, For those who I haven’t met yet, allow me to introduce myself. I am Dan Conway – and have the dubious distinction of being an old friend of Dave’s.

Owing to the exemplary organisational tactics Dave has applied to this event (where are we again?) I haven’t had very much time to prepare, so please, forgive me if this whole speech goes horribly wrong.

But firstly I’d like to thank a few people for the way that this, despite all of Dave’s efforts, has turned into a such a wonderful event, so let’s give a few ‘big ups’ to start off with:

· Parents
· Bridesmaids and ushers etc...
· Staff
· Beck for her sacrifice ... above and beyond the call of common sense
· And finally the guests – thanks to all you for being here and making it look like Dave does indeed have some friends.

Now to business. Dave, well, where do I start.

I think one of the reasons I got this gig was because of a testimonial I wrote for him recently on Friendster – a networking website, but boy Dave, if you reckon I’m gonna be as flattering here... phew!

So, Dave... I mean, where do I start? Dave is a sick puppy – as Suze would say. A twisted, contrary, amoral, assehole.

He is also... capable, talented and hardworking. generous, kind, charming, funny, loyal and, as hard as it may be to believe bright. Frighteningly so.

But he’s still a sick puppy.

I mean, I could tell you stories, but well I’ll keep it clean – or kinda...

There has always been a strong element of Competition in Dave and My relationship. It seems like over the years, we’ve often leapfrogged each other professionally, in our relationships, in our living arrangements, in our personal development. But particularly in our professional lives.

The first time I met Dave was at a warehouse party in lower Newtown – I was studying at the School of Audio Engineering at the time and beginning to write dance music. At this party I had set up a sampler and a computer next to the DJ console and was dropping big fat beats... onto an almost empty dance floor, when... all of a sudden this flurry of activity and energy bursts up on my left, and there’s this guy, gaunt, dressed all in black leather, but enthusiastic – like ‘ yeah! what are you doing – this is great, how are you doing this...’ etc...

The gusto with which Dave embraces life was immediately apparent – and soon we become friends. And later – good friends.

Soon thereafter – Dave also enrolled in the Audio Technology College, so you might even say that I was got him interested in audio and got him started learning. He then reciprocated by getting me a job loading trucks for an events company.

A few years later, when I left my job in a studio, a nice studio, I passed the job onto him, so got him his first real job in a studio.

Again, Dave reciprocated by getting me work putting out table and chairs at six in the morning for the Farmers market down by Darling Harbour. Thanks Dave.

Later again, Dave started working in Audio Development for a company called DSP, and eventually I got a job there too – which opened up a whole new world for me – so you could say Dave got me a job there...

So there has always been a sort of friendly rivalry between Dave and I and it is with some regret now, that I have to finally say: With Beck and Matilda and the life your carving out for yourself now - Well, you’ve outclassed me – completely - Dave well done.

Here’s something about Dave you may not know. Dave is also one of the few individuals I know – who at the ripe old age of 36 still sucks his thumb. I mean pathetic really. I mean did you know this? True - he does, when deep in thought, or tired, he will assume an almost fetal position, one hand will delve into the hairs below his belly button, the other hand to his face, thumb firmly in place and he will contemplate the world like so...

Lame, Lame.

I mean, the only other thing I can say about this was that I too, actually suck my thumb sometimes – and for years - it was my deepest darkest secret. And it was Dave, that gave me the courage to ‘come out’ about my thumb sucking – Dave inspired me to stand up, and ‘own’, my own behaviour. Which is telling.

Dave is an iconoclastic and wildly individual soul – but he will stand up for what he believes in, and in doing so demonstrate to those of us, with less gumption, and conviction how it should be done. Which has certainly been an inspiration to me, and I suspect, many others.

So now, Dave marries. Dave and has progeny – remarkable. Time for the quote:

And this is actually one of my all time favourite quotes – from Matt Groening – Creator of the Simpsons as well as a bunch of other cultural exposes of the dysfunction of Family life...

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra. Suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come. Matt Groening (1954 - ), "Life in Hell"

Of course, Dave is one of the only people I know who could probably convince the Ice Weasels to build a camp fire, get him the tools to fix the radio and thereby summon help – allowing the rescue expedition to arrive and find him stark naked, daubed in strange animalistic markings and dancing wildly around the fire with the king of ice Weasels. So I suspect Dave has what it takes to make a love last.

The other quote I’d like to drop on ya’ll is specifically for Beck now, and comes from Timothy Leary – another personal inspiration to me... And Beck I know you have this well in hand, but I hope this also inspires you:

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. Timothy Leary (1920 - )

READ GREETINGS TELEGRAMS ETC... Paul Rodwell, Pete Kelly

And speaking of Pete Kelly, I’d like to conclude now, by mentioning some theories that have been floating around our little scene up in Sydney regarding what we have been jokingly referring to as the ‘unholy union’ – On Dave’s part, Dave’s part...

First there’s Pete Kelley’s theory as to the naming of your firstborn. Tilda – what the hell is Tilda? The tilde, as some of you may know, is the first key on the PC Standard keyboard leading Pete to conclude that Dave intends to father a total of 62 children – one for every key on the keyboard – and name them all accordingly. Bec – personally I recommend you draw the line at ‘backspace’. That’s 15 – that’s doing all right.

Now the other theories that have been flying around all concern why such a beautiful, talented, bright, funky, dynamic young woman as yourself, would ever consider bonding, for life, with... Dave.

Lemme know the answer to that sometime - and I’ll try and bottle it and slip it into the drink of some-one cute at the party later on...

Finally Beck – let me state this: Dave, as we know, is a complex person – None of us can ever figure out, whether the dark, spiky shell is hiding a soft, warm and fluffy layer underneath, or whether that again, covers only another layer of dark spiky stuff, etc... but I will say this:

I’ve hated Dave at times – wanted to kill him – on a number of occasions. And yet in the end – I’m here. And I love him. To bits.

You guys will be great.

Thank you.





go to Dave and Beck's wedding page